Query Letter Critique

Original Query Letter

 

Nineteen-year-old Blake wakes up on a generation ship in deep space, except it’s not the virtual reality game he thought he was testing. He wasn’t a beta-tester, but a guinea pig. It’s not a game, but another universe. An alternate reality with its own version of Blake. In one, he’s an average frat boy ready to C+ his way through Tulane, and in the other he’s aboard the pioneer spaceship Athena, preparing to colonize New Earth. Now Blake finds himself slipping between worlds—and bodies—without warning.

 

Blake’s accidental crossovers begin to blur the boundaries between universes; the friction is enough to level New Orleans and turn the Athena to dust. A meteor strike forces the Athena to land on Europa and build an emergency colony. The icy moon’s harsh conditions trap the survivors in close quarters, and Blake struggles to hide his Jekyll and Hyde condition from the colonists. Polar opposites, the Blakes have trouble fitting into each other’s lives. Until one day Blake slips home to discover the other Blake has been living his life better than he has.

 

With every crossover, the universes grow closer. The friction causes moonquakes and storms, with New Orleans bracing for the worst hurricane in history. The slips are getting longer and longer, and soon Blake won’t be crossing back home at all. He needs to sever the connection—fast, before their worlds annihilate each other.

 

Crossover, complete at 85,000 words, is the first in a series of high-concept New Adult science fiction novels. It will appeal to fans of Elizabeth Norris’s Unraveling and Beth Revis’s Across the Universe Trilogy.

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

Query Letter After I Got My Grubby Paws On It

 

Nineteen-year-old Blake wakes up on a generation ship in deep space, except it’s not the virtual reality game he thought he was testing. He wasn’t a beta-tester, but a guinea pig. It’s not a game, but another universe. An alternate reality with its own version of Blake. In one, he’s an average frat boy ready to C+ his way through Tulane, and in the other he’s aboard the pioneer spaceship Athena, preparing to colonize New Earth. Now Blake finds himself slipping between worlds—and bodies—without warning. Great premise and a solid opener.

 

Blake’s accidental crossovers begin to blur the boundaries between universes; the friction is enough to level New Orleans and turn the Athena to dust. A meteor strike forces the Athena to land on Europa and build an emergency colony. The icy moon’s harsh conditions trap the survivors in close quarters, and Blake struggles to hide his Jekyll and Hyde condition from the colonists. Polar opposites, the Blakes have trouble fitting into each other’s lives. Until one day Blake slips home to discover the other Blake has been living his life better than he has. Love this paragraph! It’s outstanding.

 

With every crossover, the universes grow closer. The friction causes moonquakes and storms, with New Orleans bracing for the worst hurricane in history. The slips are getting longer and longer, and soon Blake won’t be crossing back home at all. He needs to sever the connection—fast, before their worlds annihilate each other. Does he have to choose which Blake he wants to be? Because that would be a great addition to the already-great stakes.

 

Crossover, <The title should be fully capitalized. complete at 85,000 words, is the first in a series of high-concept New Adult science fiction novels. It will appeal to fans of Elizabeth Norris’s Unraveling and Beth Revis’s Across the Universe Trilogy. All good here! It’s only too bad you don’t have an NA sci-fi here as a comp title, though I realize that might be hard to find.

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

This is really great! I don’t normally reach for science fiction novels but I would definitely read this. You didn’t give me much to pick at! Good luck with your querying endeavors, and thanks for sharing. 

Posted in query critique, query letter, writing advice

3 Responses to Query Letter Critique

  1. Dahlia Adler says:

    In case you are looking for NA Sci-Fi comps, maybe THE APOLLO ACADEMY by Kimberly P. Chase? https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17928444-the-apollo-academy?ac=1

  2. Brandy says:

    Ooh this intrigues me for sure.

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